marypoppinthatpussy: the number of inches you leave my door open is the number of inches the depth of my knife will be in your chest
thesickestjokes: What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.
rachelisaflameprincess: bendydicks: considerthishippie: Instead of just looking up into the sky, you’re actually gazing down into the infinite cosmic abyss, with only gravity holding you onto the surface of the earth. oh i was not prepared for that
siskyisoutofbusiness: omfG SO TODAY IN PHYSICS THIS GIRL’S PHONE WENT OFF AND HER RINGTONE WAS SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND AND MY TEACHER STOOD UP AND SAID TURN THAT THING OFF IF I HEAR IT AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY TRACK DOWN RIHANNA AND EXPLAIN TO HER THAT DIAMONDS DO NOT SHINE THEY REFLECT
moderatelygoodsnoopdogg: “you shouldnt hit a girl” hey maybe you shouldn’t hit anyone
imaginelarrys: stylinsmut: im a hostess at a restaurant and my favorite thing to do is ask 14/15 year old boys who are out on dates if they want a kids menu i love you
dawgmatron: wow michael cera sure stepped out of his comfort zone when he played that awkward, friend-zoned teen who wants to get laid.